Women, Pleasure, the Big O… and Good Luck to You Leo Grande

I’ve been thinking of writing this review for the past few weeks now – on this movie I watched on Amazon Prime – ‘Good Luck to You, Leo Grande’ starring the amazing, Emma Thompson & Daryl McCormack. That I came across the movie (on a random Facebook review) in itself was interesting – for it is about a topic that some women friends have approached me over the past many months – to discuss the idea, the notion, the possibility, the remoteness even of the accessibility to feminine pleasure… and of course, age & ageism.

The movie plot sits firmly with the female protagonist, Nancy, a woman in her 60s, seeking to ‘explore’ and liberate herself in the wake of recent widowhood by hiring a male sexworker, Leo. No screentime is wasted in setting the premise that Nancy had never experienced an orgasm and was curious to know more about herself and her sexuality as she was determined it was clearly above & beyond the ‘Bam-Bam-Shazam!’, as I call it, that she was subjected to over the years.

While there are just a couple of scenes pertaining to nudity, overall, the movie largely explores emotions, connection, human gentleness and an advocacy for women to explore and own their right to pleasure…. and possibly an orgasm. All this, on top of the underlying hush-hushness of it being an older woman who taught religious studies until she retired!

Nancy’s anorgasmia is beautifully characterized by the uptight, frustration – that gives a heartfelt sadness to ‘frigidity’. One hurts – well, I hurt for her – for the desperation she felt to feel. My heart went out to the restraint that was imposed on her – by the system, the conditioning, religion even – to deprive herself of any sexual feeling for fear of ‘concupiscence’ – a new word, even for me… but wow! How it was used to shut down feminine pleasure – right from high schools & school teachers determined to keep girls in check.

The movie is not p0rn – not even the softest kind. I think it is a beautiful attempt to bring to table a conversation that needs to be had – all over the world!

I say this because I say this with a genuine & humble admission, that I assumed that an orgasm was a given. It wasn’t – it isn’t. And after having some very heartfelt conversations with many women friends recently, I also know of the hurt and lack many of them feel – many, for decades!

While I have had the joy & fortune of being with sensitive partners of my choosing, and also having the privilege of agency to have an unapologetically clear idea of my own wants and needs, I now better understand that that experience is not universal or shared – the spectrum of pleasure and the achievement of the Big O – both being rather inconsistent and sometimes, nonexistent even.

History bears traumatic witness to the suppression of feminine sexuality – from chastity belts and male chaperons to deprivation of touch and lack of intimacy…to FGM. In the simplest form, many women have raised children purely out of the marital & societal obligation to be a conduit for gestation – intimacy being one of mere biological proximity.

This movie brought up a lot of things for me. It remains a good conversation starter, especially for people who may be willing to be educated that sexuality and sexual exploration is not a sole right of some…. and that women, even in their golden years, have the potential and access to experiencing pleasure – to have their bodies celebrated & enjoyed by themselves and with partners who are just as sensitive to their needs, wants and desires….

The ending is a sweet one… I won’t ruin it for you…. Wasn’t so surprising, I guess – but, it was surely the journey that was worth the end…

Let me know what you think!

#moviereviews #GoodLuckToYouLeoGrande #EmmaThompson #DarylMcCormack

Hands Off My Boobs!

When I was in my early 20s, I had opted for a professional bra fitting. What happened in that fitting room, without a measuring tape and the attendant who cupped and fondled her way (with a perfect poker face!!!) to offer me one the best fitting lingerie I’d ever purchased till then will, I guess, remain to be a confused-but-wtf-just-happened kinda memory for some time to come.

Fast forward to present times, as an advocate for women’s safety and a knuckle rapper for all things ‘sexual harassment’, I guess it’s a normalised idea that men touch inappropriately. I’m saying this because, as it turns out, my ‘girls‘ seem to have caught the attention of mixed preferences! And while I know it is a violation of personal space and a sexual advance regardless of the gender of the violator, I didn’t know how to react, let alone respond at the time.

Having a woman sneak up behind you and grab an obvious handful of bounty, in broad daylight is, well, clearly not done. It wouldn’t have been ok even if it wasn’t in brad daylight, just to be clear. Advocating for equal rights and sexual identity / preference does not mean, you get off on me. Sorry… no way, Jose! Your preferences do not mean I oblige per convenience – especially when MY preference is clear. I’m into men – and even then, I decide who gets close enough to cop a feel

(and please – that is not an open invitation to attempt!!)

Here’s what my thoughts were over this: I was caught off guard. I felt numb, of sorts… I definitely did not like/ enjoy it… I was surprised. I almost equated it with a little child inadvertently putting their hand on me…. but I know the woman intended it. It was not a joke. Even if it were, I wasn’t laughing.

Anyway, I’ve figured out a way to address this and I shall do so in my own time. But until then, folks, if you don’t like the attention, speak up. Your personal space is your own.

As for me, a little caution never hurt anyone.