Overrated Friendship?

Are we overrating ‘friendship’ these days?

In the past 2 months, I’ve seen people treat others whom they’ve known for years, some even for decades, in the most appalling ways… In different instances, here are some things that happened:

• Publicly humiliated, targeted & e-lynched a friend with strangers over a highly exaggerated incident taken out of context.
• Lied about a friend to others over drinks
• Practically attempted to pimp away a friend‘s significant other to someone else in the presence of so called friend
• Called friend all sorts of slurs on a public platform
• Abused friend viciously in their absence at a gathering…. the words reached so called friend from well wishers to keep an eye out for back stabbers.
• Fabricated intimate stories about themselves with friends (to set up rumors)
  … and so on…

I’ve both witnessed these instances happen to my friends.. and, well, been on the receiving end of some too…  I don’t think I had this level of stupidity even when I was in high school! These are adults I’m referring to!

Do they affect me? Not entirely… because the immaturity of it is really not something I’m overly envious of…

But it affects me for the sake of my friends who have had to endure this low level of betrayal and shoddy treatment at the hands of those whom they called (some still call) friends. How does one even call someone their friend and then proceed to throw them under the bus or speak crap about them to validate their own distorted stories?

I sense insecurity, jealousy and envy – for others’ life, choices – both available and availed of, of self pity and self loathing. Then there’s the gaslighting, the inability to listen / acknowledge the pain they’ve caused, the refusal to apologize and then to go on a relentless slandering spree. Uff!

I’m really lucky, I’ve got some fabulous people in my life who have my back. Those others, who showed themselves through their behavior both towards my dear friends as well as myself, I’m happy to distance myself from and give that time to better, nicer people (both in real life & Facebook friends and groups). It isn’t difficult, really it isn’t.

I mean, seriously folks – friendship needs cultivation…. not just partying through the ups but also hanging in there through the downs. You should be able to both support and lovingly hold the mirror to your friend when required. It also means holding yourself accountable and being willing to be shown the mirror instead of being the abusive defender and then going on a rampage.

Friendship is respectful and maintains boundaries, although a good friendship may push those boundaries a little bit in the best interest of the friend…. with love and care always. … but never, ever violate it… Friends allow each other to grow – individually as well as with each other. Friendship does not stake a claim or ownership, neither does it stand in the way of other significant relationships & friendships.

Sigh! To have witnessed this hurtful exposition in the name of friendship is harsh.. but we have all kinds, no?