This is what I learnt about myself today.
Sometimes, it is simply important to be deeply vulnerable and brutally honest. It is not the easiest thing to do – especially as we operate through the various layers of ‘super woman’ / ‘super mom’ that the world sticks on us. It is hard to break through the title of ‘strength’ that the world crowns us with… and just melt into a puddle of snotty tears and puffy, red-rimmed eyes… So, it is important to ask and receive something as simple as TLC – Tender Loving Care.
So I learnt that today, after many weeks of struggling with crisis after crisis after crisis, and a near panic situation when it was all way too much and I caught myself watching a reel of strange thoughts… I figured that this needed to be tackled urgently – with some professional help, of course, because I couldn’t do this by myself and venting out to a professional just felt like the responsible thing to do – for myself, and for those for depend on me.
And then, I asked for help…. from the one person who taught me how to ‘receive’ – safely.
Do you know how comforting it is be able to melt in the complete safety of someone who has your back? And front & sides? ❤
How it feels just take enough space for yourself from them because you know they don’t & won’t begrudge you that even when they might be having a high pile of mess on their own plate?
Because they share a responsibility towards you as much as you share theirs?
That feeling of being held firmly and closely while you try to put words to your feelings and emotions that were until then stuck tight inside your chest in a knot somewhere behind your sternum and squeezing your throat tight almost because the feelings kind of had a life of their own and didn’t want you to let a single word out?
And while you croaked the pain out, there was no reasoning asked, no explanation offered, just the secure embrace to keep me in place and be heard, listened, acknowledged & validated.
And all the while being ever so respectful that I felt my dignity utterly intact…. not once, never, giving any reason for me to even feel a smidgen of doubt about my title of ‘strength’ – that badge of honor that I had earned from years of chugging along!
I just had to place my battle gear down for 10 minutes – that’s all – just 10 minutes… to vulnerably say, I need a Mental Health Break and I need help to do this… because this is important. (Ok I didn’t use THOSE very words, but he knew what I was saying…)
Why am I sharing this here? Because most of you know me… and you know I often wear my heart on my sleeve, especially when it matters. Today matters… because we all matter. Many of you have told me that you are inspired by how I carry myself, endure life, manage crazy situation, etc all with a smile. Ok, that’s all good… smiling comes easily, but it doesn’t mean that the smile is not covering deep hurt and pain.
It’s good business to smile – the world smiles with you… and if you have an infectious laugh like mine – with equal stand-up wit to go – then it’s really good industry standards!
But, today I learnt that it is more important to be unconditionally true to myself and step into vulnerability especially when it feels least comfortable and most unbecoming. It is not easy, but I promise you, with the right people there to safely let you be, while magic and miracles can happen… healing most definitely does.
Lastly, even the strongest person welcomes tenderness, love & care…
With love,
~ Luvena
Image by James Chan from Pixabay
Luvena's World 