Processing Parenthood

Parenting is hard work. It isn’t only about putting food on the table & giving them an education. It is about caring and nurturing the children, what’s going on in their lives, mind, emotions as well as our own.

Almost all engaged parents struggle with the chaos of their teens and young adults. Physical & physiological wellness aside, any discussion about their mental health, at least in our country & society, is scarce and stilted.

But even when they are had and help is sought, I want to shine light on the lack of support that parents are offered while their child receives treatment, therapy, and counselling. Over the past year I have had the heartbreaking experience of speaking with parents who have no space or avenue to process their emotions around their child’s diagnosis – be it around mental health issues, neurodiversity, or even the grief of losing a child.

What happens to a child very closely affects parents too. I say this, from my privilege of having a close relationship with my children. (For lack of professional qualifications to do so, I do not speak on behalf of / in terms of toxic parenting.)

It is not a case for making it ‘about the parents’ – but an overall comprehensive treatment plan that involves all stakeholders. A parent whose life is suddenly shifted to focusing (and it is a priority) on their child’s wellbeing has a myriad of emotions and fears that need to be addressed in a safe space. Failure to do this, may result in chronic and sticky misplaced anger, guilt, shame, fear, anguish, or worse may lead to a further breakdown in the family dynamics. The overall goal of the therapy would fall apart.

Parents need to know that while they support their children’s wellness, processing their own pain is also their own work & responsibility – and that it is ok & quite necessary, to do that. Parents need a support system, a support group, group therapy or whatever mechanism, to understand and process their own feelings about what is happening with their child without being assigned with the guilt of the diagnosis.

It is hard work, being a parent… and apart from some life hacks, parenthood doesn’t come with a manual. Not even the ‘For Dummies’ version.

I share this here today with my most loving thoughts for some dear friends whose children who are struggling with mental health concerns and other loved ones who are still grieving the loss of their babies. The pain is real and I share this only to acknowledge all of us, what we do and how we show up every single day to be the best version of ourselves that we can be today.

#Parenting #MentalHealth #SupportSystem