As I was looking for an image for this blog, honestly, it took me forever to look for the right image. Google ‘discipline for parents’ and you’re really spoilt for choice with the various images of parents disciplining their children – many kindly, others sternly, yet others posing to feature an ‘abusive disciplinarian parent’ article somewhere… but those were not the images I was looking for.
I was looking for an image of those parents who we all know.. you know, the ones who pretend to ignore the long line at the supermarket & insidiously break the line to get ahead.. or the ones (like my friend experienced) who barged into the line of toddlers and little ones with their own offspring to get her face-painting done. And then there are those who are the parents of Divinity – whose children can do no wrong, yet every other child & their parents are so redundant and deficient in social values, it is appalling!
So when something as vast as Google can give me such stereotypical images for disciplining, how was I to find a visual aid to prove my point of these errant parents?
Most parenting articles & advice is geared towards parents setting a good example for their kids to follow. However, not many of us actually realize the importance of these examples. Our chosen responses to a situation, both at home as well as in public set the tone for what our children will follow by themselves. Having said that, there is much to be said about hypocrites who put up a very disciplined, ideal-citizen appearance outside his doorstep, but walks into his own home and spits & splutters condescending assault all around him. Yes, children learn to be two-faced too.
So what are we teaching our children after all? Survival? Appearances? Or Authenticity? Doesn’t authentic expression and integrity surpass and withstand survival and exceed the limitation of accepted appearances?
My own response to such parental misdemeanors is well, not something to write home about always. I do realize that my children are watching my every move. I know that because they notice and comment… often in my own irritated style… but what they’re waiting for, is my response. So, over time, I have learnt to take them into confidence & explain situations as naturally as possible.
At the supermarket, I have often been firm (with very clear displeasure etched on my face) with the line-defaulters reminding them that there is a queue. If they feigned ignorance, I’d just place my veggies on the counter with a pointed look at the staff who’d know better than to mess with me at that point. Yes, there are those other times when I, too, go all passive aggressive on them with an acidic thought that they are ‘supposed to’ telepathically comprehend…. but don’t!.. and that’s a different blog post..
Whichever way we see it, disciplining our children is futile if we, as parents, do a shoddy job of living as adults with integrity and good values. Values, not necessarily those that we learnt in school or from our parents, but those that are our own personal ethos – our contribution to society! And it is my understanding that, although it is not my job (nor my legal entitlement to do so), but when someone’s poor choice of expression of themselves happens to impede on my own set of values, rights and simple expectancies of civil behavior, then I will step up & parent them – the adult children in front of me – hopefully it would make a difference, but if not, maybe it would make an impact on the children witnessing it.
Luvena's World 